Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
