I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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