i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
