She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
