oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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