You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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