so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's how pantless uber rides happen
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
