That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
