a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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