Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
