and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
