if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize