8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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