well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
