After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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