I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
