if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
