I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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