Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
