No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
