Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i want to swaddle you in tequila
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
