I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
