He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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