I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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