We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
