The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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