I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My ass is underappreciated
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
