phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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