So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize