Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He felt like a one man threesome
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
