every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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