Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
