There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
