im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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