Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
