Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
