I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
