He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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