YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you traded sex for a burrito?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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