How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
