I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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