Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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