A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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