my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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