I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
