whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
