i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We're too hungover to prance.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
