Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
