There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
