a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pants are for mortals
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize