what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
