he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
