I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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