hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
