I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
