I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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