mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is wine microwaveable?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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