my mouth tastes like poor choices
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
