I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
