I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize