Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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