so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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