she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
