why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
