you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
