are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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