Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
