How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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