Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
