FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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