good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
