yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
