Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
