i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my shit smells like andre
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
