I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
