if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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