I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
