my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
