so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
