guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
