I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
