Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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