hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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