Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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