Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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