went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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