I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
God, I missed his penis.
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