She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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