It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
