It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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