Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
