Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
