She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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