I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
